Extrovert Stuck in a Box
portraits-of-america:

     “My maiden name was Burger and his last name is Berger, so I went one letter from Burger to Berger. It gets better: His brother’s name is Bob and he was our best man. My dad’s name is also Bob, so we had two Bobs, Berger and Burger, at the wedding. Bob, his brother, was married to Linda. My name is also Linda, so we had two Linda Bergers. Everyone was confused.     “Then I go to the Secretary of State to change my name. ‘What’s your maiden name?’ Burger. ‘Now, what’s your married name?’ Berger. ‘No, no, we need your last name.’ I just gave it to you—Burger.”
Livonia, MI

portraits-of-america:

     “My maiden name was Burger and his last name is Berger, so I went one letter from Burger to Berger. It gets better: His brother’s name is Bob and he was our best man. My dad’s name is also Bob, so we had two Bobs, Berger and Burger, at the wedding. Bob, his brother, was married to Linda. My name is also Linda, so we had two Linda Bergers. Everyone was confused.
     “Then I go to the Secretary of State to change my name. ‘What’s your maiden name?’ Burger. ‘Now, what’s your married name?’ Berger. ‘No, no, we need your last name.’ I just gave it to you—Burger.”

Livonia, MI

nerdyjock46:

Me: *puts sombrero on an old person*

Me: Señor citizen

highbrowandbeard:

THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE LINE

yungmethuselah:

yungmethuselah:

How come Beyoncé wears crystal-studded leotards, 6” heels and fishnets, but she dresses Blue Ivy, her baby, in regular baby clothes? It really makes you think.

How come Beyoncé chooses to drink alcohol but doesn’t have Blue Ivy drink it? Why is Blue Ivy always being carried around? Why is she so short?

indicaxdreams:

So last night I was pretty high and thought lol ima draw a happy lil face in this banana cus why the fuck notimage

I CAME DOWNSTAIRS THIS MORNING AND NEARLY PISSED MYSELFimage

discwars:

discwars:

discwars:

what the fuck is this bullshit


HES STILL THERE


THAT ONES NOT EVEN RED 

discwars:

discwars:

discwars:

what the fuck is this bullshit

HES STILL THERE

THAT ONES NOT EVEN RED 

optimystic-fantasy:

homebeccer:

flying-prussian-pugs:

rules-broken-fate-rewritten:

stickthinmodels:

feminspire:

YES!

IMPORTANT

the second one? i can buy that somewhat. the first one? breasts are sexual organs.

I SWEAR TO FUCK. NO. NO THEY ARE NOT. BREASTS ARE MEANT TO FEED BABIES. BREASTS ARE NOT MEANT FOR SEXUAL FUCKING PLEASURE. BREASTS SOLE EVOLUTIONARY PURPOSE ARE TO FEED THE YOUNG, NOT TO HUMOUR MEN IN BED.

jesse oh my god

seriously, though. this.

the-goddamazon:

OH MY GOD

zootedboy:

*black couple living in a haunted house*

wife: the house haunted

husband: we out this bitch

*everybody lives*

shaman-music:

unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

image

DAPHNE WHO THE FUCK U THINK U FOOLIN 

fred finna tear it up in the basement